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177787937You thought breast implants were just for boobs, huh? They don’t exactly come with an owner’s manual, but you shouldn’t need one to know the appropriate use for a breast implant. A cosmetic surgeon uses breast implants during breast augmentation to add fullness and symmetry to your breasts. Got that? Breast, breast, breast. That’s where breast implants belong, and yet some people just don’t get it.

 

1. Smuggling Drugs

A Colombian woman recently had a bit of trouble with customs at the Frankfurt airport when officials found 2.2 pounds of cocaine in her boobs. Read that again: In. Her. Boobs. Just to clear up any questions and make sure you’re solid on this one, cocaine isn’t on the list of approved or recommended breast implant materials. It’s in the “just don’t” category of what to put in your boobs.

 

2. A Bulletproof Vest

A while back, a cosmetic surgeon argued that a woman’s breast implant had acted like a makeshift, super-localized bulletproof vest after she was shot in the chest. Supposedly, the implant absorbed most of the bullet’s impact and saved the breast from further damage.

While becoming more impermeable to bullets may be one of the many benefits to getting breast implants, it’s probably not something you should bank on.

3. Paperweights

When Sharon Osbourne removed her breast implants, she planned to give them to her hubby to use as paperweights. Now we’re all for personalized, conversation-provoking, thoughtful presents, but used breast implants doesn’t sound like the topic for a conversation you’d want to start.

If you ever find yourself pondering a purpose for breast implants beyond cosmetic enhancement, just stop. There is no greater purpose. They’re for your breasts. And remember, friends don’t let friends go rogue with their breast implants.