The days of snake oil sales and fountain of youth promises that might do more damage than good are far from over, as evidenced by these four absolutely absurd “beauty treatments.”
Eye Color-Changing Treatments
Yes, it is possible to get implants that will change your eye color. Unfortunately, they can also blind you. Intended for treatment of extreme ocular sensitivity, any idiot can now have ocular implants installed because they don’t want the hassle of colored contact lenses.
If you don’t want implants, you might be interested in a completely non-FDA-approved laser treatment purported to burn out brown pigment from the iris, revealing the blue color underneath. What could go wrong?
The Bird Poop Facial
It seems silly that anyone wouldn’t want to smear avian feces on their faces. At least, that’s the logic behind the notorious bird poop facial. Correction—the Geisha Facial®. Don’t let the classy official name distract you from the reality that powdered nightingale droppings are the active ingredient. Ew.
Leech Detox
Wow, it’s the 18th century all over again! Granted, there is abundant evidence to suggest that leeches can assist in facilitating blood flow and helping to repair veins in patients who’ve lost limbs or have damaged tissues. But leave it to the entertainment industry to use leeches for the vague and shammy purpose of “detox” and “cleansing.”
Face Slapping
With absolutely zero trace of irony, a Thai entrepreneur will charge you $350, and promptly slap you in the face repeatedly. It goes without saying that anyone willing to drop that much cash for this service definitely deserves a good slapping.
For heaven’s sake – if you want to look younger, just visit a med spa for some good old-fashioned BOTOX®. At least you’ll lose some wrinkles in the process.